Mary, wrap yOUR arms aROUND Me

NOTE: I've had this post written for over a year now and tonight, for the first time, I feel like it is the time to post.  I truly feel like this entry is going to get me into some trouble - especially because it involves the Blessed Mother - a woman so often misunderstood by my Christian brothers and sisters - and because it's an intimate story. I share a lot, yes, but this story in particular resides very, very close to my heart - this is a story about a very subtle, yet substantially defining moment in my life. I didn't realize at the time how much it'd changed me. 

A few years ago I found myself spending a lot of time at a friend's apartment.. Two of the girls who lived in the house were very good friends of mine, but the third roommate; however, was another story. A year younger, everyday she had a new story about her latest one-night stand, a new drug she tried, a new religion she was into... but that didn't keep me from crashing on the couch almost every weekend. 

photo by: Julie de Waroquier
(http://juliedewaroquier.com/)

Yet every night, when the lights were off and my little couch bed was made, I became on edge and cautious. I wasn't afraid of intruders. We had the door cop and one of my friends is really fierce and would have no problem beating down anyone who tried to break in. It was something else-  I always felt something sinister surround the home in the darkness and I was frightened. I rarely have nightmares, but nearly every time I slept at their house I would wake up in a cold sweat from some very vivid and very terrifying dream. 

At these times, or anytime I felt scarred, I would begin to chant a prayer I picked up at summer camp. 

"Mary, wrap your arms around me, 
St. Michael, defend me in battle and 
oh precious Christ, keep me under the shelter of Your wings." 
  
Over and over I would repeat this and then I would expand,  

"Mary, wrap your arms around all of us in the home, 
St. Michael, defend us in battle and 
oh precious Christ, keep us under the divine shelter of Your wings." 

This went on from August until November and I never mentioned any of it to my friends. Not the prayer, not the nightmares. I really would wake up every morning and convince myself that I'd made it all up and was just paranoid,  when one morning I'm sitting on the couch, eating cereal when the third roommate walks into the room.  

"Good morning, Tori. You know what, I am so glad you slept here last night." she said very genuinely.  I laughed. This was a very unexpected thing to say, 

"oh really?"

She sat down on the couch and sitting indian style looked at me. "No seriously, I really like it when I know you're sleeping over."

 

I raised my eyebrow. What could she possibly mean? 
She looked around the room as if she wanted to say something but kept stopping herself. "Tori, I've been wanting to tell you something." 

"What?" 

She blushed, "oh no, I can't say. You're going to think i'm insane."

I laughed awkwardly - thinking she was about to begin narrating another one of her outrageous adventures, but instead she sighed and very seriously said, "I sleep better when you stay here."
I looked at her in confused silence.

"You swear you won't tell my roommates, Tori?"
"No?"
 
"Well whatever. It doesn't matter - you're still going to think I'm insane...you see...Tori...I get really scarred at night sometimes, I feel like just something evil - something really sinister is in this house, you know?"

"Me too!" I say with enthusiasm, glad that someone else maybe felt the same way I did about being creeped out at night
"No, Tori." she said, "That's not the point. The thing is, and don't think i'm crazy, but when you sleep over, it's different." 
"Really? How so?" 
"Well, when you sleep over, i'm not alone when I go to bed. Like when you spend the night, I always know that the...the..." she lowered her voice to a whisper, "the lady will come." 

"The lady?"

"It's not like I see anything - I'm not crazy - It's just that when you're here, I always feel like this lady comes and she holds me....kind of like a baby. She holds me and I fall asleep in her arms. And it's always when you sleep over.." The roommate blushed in embarrassment "Weird, right?"

I looked at her in shock. She laughed awkwardly. "You think I'm insane, don't you?" 

In my head I heard my silent, secret prayer - one that I'd always been too afraid or embarrassed to share with anyone... Mary wrap your arms around me

"No, I don't think you're crazy."