Paths and Farting Bears

"I love that you have a teddy bear in here!" I say to the producer, Mr. P,
"Oh, that's no ordinary bear," he replied, "I've placed a remotely controlled soundbox in him. I can make him fart with the push of a button."

I laughed at the absurdity of a music producer with a farting bear, and put my headphones on to do another take of the song we had written together.

As I listened to the guitar and click track begin to come through the headphones on this Wednesday morning, I stared at the mic in front of me and realized... this is real life.

I can hardly believe that just 6 months ago I was living in a totally different world - a world of cubicles and PTO and employee handbooks. And I distinctly remember how hard it was for me to leave it. To step out, in total uncertainty, unto an unknown path that would require divine assistance at every step and level. In six months I changed from an anxious, purposeless woman struggling to justify doing something totally radical with her life, to being inside the home studio of Lifeway's songwriter of the year, rushing to lay down 4 tracks of songs WE had written.

6 months ago, I was of the mindset that choosing the corporate job with the matching 401k plan and health and dental was best because it was the safe choice, the prudent choice. But what it really was (for me) was the selfish choice. It was the external manifestation of a deep, interior lack of trust in God's fidelity and mercy.

I didn't really trust the God who shapes our hearts and plants upon them desires which, when rightly ordered, draw us along, closer to His perfect will. I didn't believe it when I heard that as the shaper of our hearts, it is God's delight to grant us the desires of our hearts.

But it's true. Our God is a mighty God. Our God is a faithful God.

But the renewal of the mind isn't easy. Along the way, God has had to redefine success, not as attainment of personal wealth or notoriety, but as fidelity to His will. The restaurant job has been both the greatest dose of humility and the greatest source of God's blessing.

It seems that the more of myself I give to God, the more of myself he returns to me, blessed and with abundance.

At last, there is a peace in my heart that surpasses all understanding. I don't know if the dream will ever be realized, or if the music will continue or if I sign that record deal and am able to introduce adoration to a generation....all I know is that the achievement of the dream isn't the point or purpose. My purpose is to, at every moment, abandon myself to the Divine Will. Trusting that it is God who opens doors, therefore, I must walk where He leads.

"oh, the places you will go!" - Dr. Seuss

"God alone created your heart, and He created it for Himself alone. He alone should be its master.
He did not say: "Lend Me your heart," but: Give Me your heart (Prov 23:26). You obeyed Him and consecrated your heart to Him. What right did you have to take it back?" - alexander de rouville