Whatsoever you do, you do unto Me

I tenderly reached for the box inside the refrigerator and ever so delicately, placed it on the counter.
The youth minister was out of town that Sunday and it was my job to help set up for the LifeTeen Mass. I looked at my phone to check the list she had texted me.

“remember to put 400 hosts in the bowl” one line read.

Very gently, I opened the plastic wrapping that surrounded the small, unleavened pieces of bread. I leaned down and sweetly gazed at the first pack of 100 in my hand and whispered to the bread, “Hey little fellas…guess what?!”

They of course didn’t respond,
“You’re about to become JESUS! Aren’t you so excited?”
Very cautiously, I laid them on the bowl and reached for the second package of 100. Still talking to the bread, ever so softly I continued, “What a journey you have ahead of you – how lucky each of you are! ”
Tori,
A thought interrupted my dialog
Do you see the gentleness with which you treat these hosts?
“Yes,” I respond to the thought.
This is how you are to treat my people - with this same reverence and gentleness as you have treated these hosts. For I live within My people and when you see them, you see Me.
…
Made in the image and likeness of God, the human person is the most Sacred work of creation.
We are Holy. We are One. We are His.

See you in the Eucharist

The summer before my 20th birthday I watched as my grandmother passed away. Her and my grandfather lived in the back of our home and that summer, Mom asked if I would refrain from attending summer camp and instead come home and work as my grandmother's nurse. I wasn't the only person taking care of her, we also had hospice nurses working full-time, but they couldn't administer her medicines or insulin shots. So we set up a schedule, I received some basic training and off I went.

In the morning and in the evening, I would walk to the back of the house, knock on her door and place a cold diet Dr. Pepper next to her bed. Then, when she was ready, we'd do medicines, followed by either preparing for the day or preparing for bed. When she had the energy and I had the time, we'd start talking. As we got to know each other better, I started opening up to her about life in Tennessee and how I really felt about myself and my place in this world. She shared stories with me about growing up in Bogolusa and raising my mom and what it was like when she first fell in love with JK. I remember laughing. I remember embracing her and crying. I remember rolling my eyes and marching out of the room muttering 'grandzilla' under my breath in frustration...


It was the best summer of my life.

The evening of her death, I remember the hospice nurse coming to me, concerned. "She's not eating." She told me, "I can't get her to eat"
I walked to the back of the house and opened the door. A warm Dr. Pepper was next to her bed. I walked over to her bedside - it was the first day she hadn't gotten out. Her eyes were closed because she was too tiered to keep them open - but she was wide awake.
I calmly said to her, "Hi Grandwanda. It's me, Tori. I love you. I have food here for you. Food to make you strong. It's important to eat - so you can get better...."


The nurse handed me spoon with food on it and I held it up to her mouth and whispered, "Open."


She opened her mouth. I moved the spoon.


"Close"


We did this three times - she was too exhausted to keep going.


"Good job. I love you." I whispered before I left the room in tears.


Less than 2 hours later our family stood around her bed and watched as she breathed her last breath.


That moment changed everything. Everything. My understanding of the connectedness of the world - the fragility and sacredness of life.  How I saw myself as a person - what I thought about my faith - about boys - about my parents


As a Catholic, I believe in the real presence of Christ in the Eucharist.
I believe that, because Christ died only once, that at the sacrifice of the Mass, I transcend space and time and am brought to the foot of Calvary - right where Christ died.
That at every experience of the Eucharist - I share in the experience with every person who has ever attended Mass - ever - in the history of the world. At Mass, I join in communion with all the Saints, all the angels in Heaven and all the souls around the world who have ever attended Mass - ever.


For the next 6 months following Grandwanda's death I cried during the consecration, because I knew- that at that exact moment - I was standing next to Grandwanda - that she and I were united in that moment on the foot of Calvary - that we were by each other's sides again. That she hadn't really left me - because for that time, we were back together again.


And today, whenever I start missing her - I go to mass - and I see her again, in the Eucharist.


Because no matter who you are, or where you live, or anything - I will always see you in the Eucharist. Because we are always united in the Eucharist.

Completing the Sacrifice

I was recently asked by one of my favorite Lifeteeners about why the cross at a Catholic mass has Christ still on it - whereas the crosses at protestant churches do not have Christ on their crosses. 

Her question was, "If we believe in the risen Christ, then why do we always show him hanging on the cross?" 

So why do our crosses have a crime scene??


Here's some complex theology meant to explain the larger picture. If you're interested and desire specific scripture references or cited sources, privately message me and I'd be happy to share. 

At the Catholic mass we celebrate a SACRIFICE. Like literally, a sacrifice. At our church, Christ is on the cross to remind of us of that sacrifice.

Remember, before Christ came as the perfect sacrifice to die for our sins, the old Jews had to sacrifice a lamb every year as they waited for the perfect sacrifice (Christ) to come. Basically, what would happen is the high priest would walk around town and hear the sins of every person in the village. Then, he would take a baby lamb, give thanks to God, confess everyone's sins and ask forgiveness and then he'd sacrifice the lamb by killing it. What many Christians don't understand is that this is not where the sacrifice stopped. The sacrifice was NOT complete until the priest ATE the flesh of the lamb. If he did not EAT the flesh of the lamb, the sacrifice was not acceptable or pleasing to God. So, review: a complete sacrifice was:

1. Give thanks to God

2. Confess the sin/ask forgiveness

3. Kill the lamb

4. Eat the lamb

Fast forward a few thousand years. We know that Christ is the perfect sacrifice. 
Christ is with his disciples at the last supper. He has them over for dinner and holds up bread and says, "Take this and EAT it for this is my BODY. Do this in remembrance of me"
What he was saying here was that He, Christ, was the lamb for the perfect sacrifice. And he was telling us to eat His flesh, because in order to complete the Pascal sacrifice, one must eat the flesh of the sacrificial lamb. 

So the next day, Christ dies for our sins upon the cross - his sacrifice is nearly complete - but not yet. 
Christ's death was not where the sacrifice ended. The sacrifice is not complete with JUST Christ's death on the cross.

In order to complete the sacrifice we have to EAT the flesh of the lamb - or at mass - the flesh of Christ. Now Christ is humble and remains in the form of bread - but sometimes (like the stories I've told you about bleeding hosts) he reveals his flesh to us.

At mass, when the priest raises the bread and the wine and says, "through him, with him, in him, in the unity of the holy spirit, all glory and honor is yours, now and forever, amen!" That is when Christ enters into the bread and wine and they become his actual flesh and blood. When we start shaking hands, the priest breaks the bread in two. At this moment, we believe as Catholics, that this is the moment that Christ dies on the cross.

And on that death, Christ only died once. So when we celebrate the mass, something extraordinary happens. we believe that we transcend space and time -heaven kisses earth- at every mass we are brought together to the foot of calvary - we are standing at the foot of the cross at mass - right where Jesus died. We are standing and participating in the living sacrifice. THAT is why at our church Christ is still on the cross. because for us, our mass is celebrating the sacrifice of Christ on the cross. And when we go up the communion line and receive Christ in the flesh and in the blood, we take part in COMPLETING the sacrifice. We are taking part in the redemptive nature of Christ's death on the cross. 

How AMAZING is that?! 

And YES! We DO worship the risen Christ!! And if you want to wear a cross around your next without Christ - do it - wear it. We don't worship the crucifix - it's not God. The cross and the crucifix are symbols and images our church uses to draw us deeper into contemplation and reflection.