You love performing, you love creating - it's "the best feeling ever and I'd give anything to be able to make art for the rest of my life"....at least, that's what you said until one day...one day you realized, the obvious. That all around you are people who can sing better, write better and perform better. By some random distribution of Divine grace, "they" were gifted with more talent than you, and no matter how hard you practice, learn, or try - "they" will always be better than you.
You mentioned how easy it was for them to get so many Likes on their Facebook page, or how everyone in your local town will go to their concerts, but not yours...
So, you said you were thinking of giving up. You said that maybe it is God's will for someone else to live your dreams, someone else to live your life, because you simply aren’t. good. enough.
At first, I was angry and stunned. How could you say such a thing?! To think of quitting - giving up! Why would you let other people live YOUR dream?
But you were reasonable. hopeless. determined.
I wish I could've reached through the pages of that journal and told you the truth. That the only person who can tell you if you are “good enough” is God. And what makes you great is NOT your talent, intelligence or special skill set, but God’s anointing. If God has called you to do something, if He has placed this desire on your heart, than you ARE good enough, even if, objectively, you’re not performing at the highest level.
I would've reminded you that talent doesn’t move hearts, the Holy Spirit moves hearts.
I would've reminded you that talent doesn’t move hearts, the Holy Spirit moves hearts.
Lastly, I would've told you that God was the author of Moses’ stutter, David’s smallness, and YOUR little talent. God gives good gifts, perfectly, intentionally and God’s work is never inadequate.
I'm sorry that you had to learn those lessons the hard way - I'm so sorry that you had to learn them in the storm - in the darkness made darker by the lies you believed. My heart aches, remembering the tears, the confusion, the paralyzing anxiety. I kept reading your words, each page addressed to God and lined with tears - I watched as God stripped you, again and again of pride, false humility, vanity...all within the tender embrace of desolation.
But while you couldn't see it at the time, one day you would come to learn an even greater lesson: that the desert is not your destiny.
One day you'll realize that the story of Jesus does not end on the cross, and neither does yours. Because if we join Christ on the cross, we also join Him in the resurrection.
The desert is not your destiny, my friend, my past self. Your destiny is the promised land, the resurrection, the Father's blessing. So remember, even when the night is dark and all hope seems lost, joy comes in the morning.
Hang in there, old self, for God came so that you may have life and life to the full.
I'm sorry that you had to learn those lessons the hard way - I'm so sorry that you had to learn them in the storm - in the darkness made darker by the lies you believed. My heart aches, remembering the tears, the confusion, the paralyzing anxiety. I kept reading your words, each page addressed to God and lined with tears - I watched as God stripped you, again and again of pride, false humility, vanity...all within the tender embrace of desolation.
But while you couldn't see it at the time, one day you would come to learn an even greater lesson: that the desert is not your destiny.
One day you'll realize that the story of Jesus does not end on the cross, and neither does yours. Because if we join Christ on the cross, we also join Him in the resurrection.
The desert is not your destiny, my friend, my past self. Your destiny is the promised land, the resurrection, the Father's blessing. So remember, even when the night is dark and all hope seems lost, joy comes in the morning.
Hang in there, old self, for God came so that you may have life and life to the full.
Tori
ReplyDeleteI know a bit about what you are feeling. When you start out "playing" music, that's exactly what it is, "play." But somewhere along the way the play turns into work. You set standards as to what it is you want to create and the message you want to convey. But the music sometimes falls like good seed on the ears of rocky soil, and you wonder if you are doing it right. You put your whole heart into your music, but it takes the audience reflecting the emotion back in your direction to make you feel like it is worth it, and that doesn't happen every day. Whatever you do, if you do it for the love of the Lord, God will work through you. He always wins in the end.