Abandonment to Divine Will

I love control. So much so, that a ritual of mine is, after a long shift, to come home and create a series of action plans for my future. I agonize for hours over how many tweets I should be sending out each week and refining the details for the AMGD tour, when today I remembered,

We are holy only as much as we are abandoned to the Divine Will.

Because what I really desire isn't to go on some amazing adoration tour or build a million person twitter following, but to be docile to the movements of the Holy Spirit. To become nothing so that Christ can be everything.

But this is really difficult for me, because it means trusting God with the control.
To be docile to the Spirit means we trust the Spirit.

You see, I agonize over lists and action plans, hoping to find or create the path, because a deep part of me thinks that God's plan can't be trusted or could not possibly be as good as what I have imagined for myself.

And yet our faith compels us to trust Him. A conundrum, I know.

So tonight, as I seek to grow in
Holiness, I am not going to make another list. Instead, I'm going to spend it in prayer. Developing my trust in two things: that God will grant me the desires of my heart so long as I delight myself in him, and when he grants me those desires, it will be by such a showing of his divine grace that in no way will my flesh be able to take the credit. My friends and family will sit in awe and wonder at the great and mighty things God has done for me.

Like Mary I will sing, "because He that is mighty hath done great things to me and Holy is His name.