I was running late to lunch. It had been a whirl of a morning. From confusion regarding restraunt shifts to becoming an impromptu tour guide, and now a minor accident with a big yellow school bus from Louisiana- and it wasn't even noon.
By 1:30pm I had finally left the scene of the accident and began driving to the restraunt for my lunch date. While in transit, I called my mom regarding a more pressing anxiety, "please pray for me, mom, that Jesus provide financially. I've just made some big financial decisions to help grow the music ministry, and while I believe that I've made the right choices, I don't know where the money is going to come from. Actually, mom, I'm taking a big, blind risk - so please, pray that Jesus send me opportunities to earn more income, or bless me with income."
"Tori," my mom consoled, "If you knew how it was all going to work out, then it wouldn't be faith."
As she said that, a strange confidence came over me. A knowledge of Jesus' faithfulness, an assurance of His provision and providence. As I pulled into the restraunt parking lot, I said goodbye to my mom and walked to my lunch date, free of anxiety and ready to share about my recent trip to India.
When I arrived at the table, I hugged the family that I was meeting and sat down in the empty chair. There, in front of me was an envelope with the word "Tori" written on the front.
"Aw guys," I joked, "It's not my birthday!"
"Now you know", said the grandmother at the table as I began to look at the note, "that if a stranger comes to me and hands me something to give to my grandson, and I give it to my grandson, who is really the gift giver?"
"You?" I answered.
"No, the stranger is the real giver." she answered, "now this, this is not from us, but the Holy Spirit, and it is for you."
I can't remember what was said in the next few minutes, but I remember opening the envelope and staring at a check. An unexpected, not-asked-for gift, from a family who has only just met me.
And I was filled with such shock, such love. How was Jesus so generous to me? I didn't deserve such a gift, and I could certainly never repay it. It was a sheer act of love. And who am I to be so loved?
I fought back tears.
When lunch ended, the reality of the day began to hit me in waves. This check meant freedom. It meant being able to take off work to play more shows out of town, it meant paying for my new CDs and T-shirts, it meant remaining debt free- it changed everything. I called my mom, still stunned. We sat on the phone with each other, in silence. "Oh Tori," my mom broke the quiet, "I just want to cry," "oh mom," i respond, "I already did!"
After my shift at work ended, I called my Dad to relate to him the story. He shared my mom's total shock, "Tori, you can't have any more doubt about whether or not you're doing God's will for your life. No more anxiety."
At the moment, I'm sitting in a car, driving to Ohio for a gig this weekend at Franciscan University, and I'm still overwhelmed by the power of God's grace. God is faithful. And more than that, He loves me.
But God's love isn't for one person or one moment, but for all people and for all time. With confidence and obedience, pursue the call He places on your life, and witness His incredible, and overwhelming goodness. Because God is faithful, and He loves you.
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